I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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