i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
