Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
