Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
