I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
