i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
