your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
