You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
