Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
