Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
