hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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