Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
