so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
