6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
