I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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