When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
did i just pee glitter
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your penis caused this!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
