If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
