I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
