just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
