I just saw a hot homeless man
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
