My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I want a musical about memes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
