I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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