dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
