I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
