I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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