Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
