sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
