i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
