smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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