bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
