i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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