Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
