I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
