dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
