you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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