having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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