I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
