I got chris browned last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
