How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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