hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
