I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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