so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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