well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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