I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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