It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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