just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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