It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
