I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you bring me the toilet please
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
