I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
