Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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