$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
