Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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