He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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