I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
