i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
