Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
