I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
