The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
