I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
