Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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