Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
