i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
