I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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