then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
