I hate your face
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
