I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
